Daddy's Strength
Good Morning My Precious Girl -
You've been home with us for two days now, and while I was very scared of this step, it has been the most comforting feeling having you here with us. Your Daddy wrapped you up in the swaddle that he had bought you to bring you home from the hospital in. Never did we think this is how we would be wrapping you up in it, but it just felt right to use that special swaddle that he picked out for you from a little shop in Newburyport, so many months ago, when life was so much simpler. I give you kisses everyday and every night. It ignites a sense of calm over my body like a warm blanket. I hope you can feel my kisses.
Your Daddy and I had to go back to the hospital, where you were born yesterday because the doctors thought I had kidney stones. It was hard walking through those doors again, and getting in that same elevator, and sitting in that same waiting room, surrounded by nervous pregnant women and their partners and their overnight bags, excited to be admitted to have their babies. Your Daddy whispered some bad words to me while we were waiting that he wanted to yell out...but we'll just keep those between me and him. We get very angry around other pregnant couples. It's very hard for us to understand why other couples get to bring home their healthy babies, and we never got that chance with you.
After the hospital we realized we hadn't eaten and decided to get some chips and salsa and margaritas. We were going to go somewhere near the hospital, but I decided it would be better to go to the quiet, slower, Mexican restaurant by our house. I'm still not ready to be around lot's of people. Crowded spaces are very overwhelming for me still. It's also hard to go places like restaurants and grocery stores for me, because I always pictured you going to all those places with us, and it's a reminder that you never will.
Your Daddy was gone for a long time when he left to pick you up from the funeral home and bring you back to us. He wanted to go by himself, partly because I didn't have the strength to go, but he didn't want anyone else to go with him. He felt like it was something he needed to do. He is so strong. When I asked him what took so long, he told me he took you on a tour of Boston. He said he drove you around the city and talked to you about all the history Boston has to offer. I hope you enjoyed the tour :) Your Daddy is very smart and I have been on similar tours with him and learned a lot. He was very excited to teach you about history, so I'm glad the two of your were able to share that together. You had a really amazing Daddy and I wish you had been able to spend more time together. I am very lucky to spend everyday with him, and I'm not sure I would have made it this far without his strength. He has really become my rock, and while losing you was the worst thing to ever happen to either of us, it has bonded us so deeply, it is hard to explain. I have never loved him more than I do today, and that is all because of you.
I love you so much and think about you every second of everyday. Sleep well my little angel.
Love,
Mommy
You've been home with us for two days now, and while I was very scared of this step, it has been the most comforting feeling having you here with us. Your Daddy wrapped you up in the swaddle that he had bought you to bring you home from the hospital in. Never did we think this is how we would be wrapping you up in it, but it just felt right to use that special swaddle that he picked out for you from a little shop in Newburyport, so many months ago, when life was so much simpler. I give you kisses everyday and every night. It ignites a sense of calm over my body like a warm blanket. I hope you can feel my kisses.
Your Daddy and I had to go back to the hospital, where you were born yesterday because the doctors thought I had kidney stones. It was hard walking through those doors again, and getting in that same elevator, and sitting in that same waiting room, surrounded by nervous pregnant women and their partners and their overnight bags, excited to be admitted to have their babies. Your Daddy whispered some bad words to me while we were waiting that he wanted to yell out...but we'll just keep those between me and him. We get very angry around other pregnant couples. It's very hard for us to understand why other couples get to bring home their healthy babies, and we never got that chance with you.
After the hospital we realized we hadn't eaten and decided to get some chips and salsa and margaritas. We were going to go somewhere near the hospital, but I decided it would be better to go to the quiet, slower, Mexican restaurant by our house. I'm still not ready to be around lot's of people. Crowded spaces are very overwhelming for me still. It's also hard to go places like restaurants and grocery stores for me, because I always pictured you going to all those places with us, and it's a reminder that you never will.
Your Daddy was gone for a long time when he left to pick you up from the funeral home and bring you back to us. He wanted to go by himself, partly because I didn't have the strength to go, but he didn't want anyone else to go with him. He felt like it was something he needed to do. He is so strong. When I asked him what took so long, he told me he took you on a tour of Boston. He said he drove you around the city and talked to you about all the history Boston has to offer. I hope you enjoyed the tour :) Your Daddy is very smart and I have been on similar tours with him and learned a lot. He was very excited to teach you about history, so I'm glad the two of your were able to share that together. You had a really amazing Daddy and I wish you had been able to spend more time together. I am very lucky to spend everyday with him, and I'm not sure I would have made it this far without his strength. He has really become my rock, and while losing you was the worst thing to ever happen to either of us, it has bonded us so deeply, it is hard to explain. I have never loved him more than I do today, and that is all because of you.
I love you so much and think about you every second of everyday. Sleep well my little angel.
Love,
Mommy
Comments
Post a Comment