Grandmother Letters
Good Morning My Dear Hazel,
I am going to work today for my second day. I had planned to go on Monday but I just couldn't get myself to go. I had a hard time even leaving my bedroom. Your mom and I started a little habit of not leaving her bedroom until the afternoon and it looks like it has carried over. It is a very safe place. I had no energy to go to work and didn't want to talk with anyone so I ended up staying home doing basically nothing but some laundry. Your pop pop went to the store for me because we had no food from being away for 2 weeks . I thought I could at least do that but I was wrong. Your pop pop has been my rock. Yesterday I woke up when my alarm went off and told pop pop that I didn't think I could go to work yet and he coached me out of bed and into the shower. I needed a little more more strength so I wrote to Rebecca, the amazing mom that came into our lives 2 weeks ago when we learned of your accident. Rebecca is a mom that had a baby boy the same way your mom had you. She has been able to tell us how she got through these very painful days. She actually talked about how helpful it was to journal. So I was telling Rebecca the difficulty I was having with going to work. I didn't hear back until after I got to work probably because she has a 1 month old baby now who I know keeps her really busy. Just like some day you are going to have a little brother or sister that keeps your mom and dad busy and will drive hem crazy!!I went to work and no one talked to me about you which was what I requested. You see, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think about how sad your mom and dad are so when people talk about you I get very upset. I know that some day I will be able to do so without shedding a tear . Well, maybe just a few. I was able to talk to some of the nurses I work with at the end of the day when I knew it was safe because I got to go home to pop pop.
I called your mom in the middle of my day and she was sad. She was at the store with your dad who needed to get a suit for your uncles wedding. Your mom kept seeing little girls and it made her miss you. I had her go outside and sit on a bench and talk with me and she got better. I miss not being there for her but each day I think she gets a little stronger . I asked if they had planted your rose bush but she said no, that they like having you in their bedroom right now. I get that!
I came home and my childhood friend Gail that lives next door was sitting in my kitchen talking with pop pop. I was just thinking as I pulled in that I think I am ready to talk with Gail and there she was with a big hug and a wonderful dinner. Gail is a really good cook and spoils me!
I was able to talk with Gail about you but while talking with her your aunt Kelsey called. She was crying as she really misses you and really misses your mom. She so wanted to meet you and so wants to be near your mom and talk with her but your mom isn't ready for that. We talked until your uncle Scott came home to hold her tight.
Well Hazel, it is time that I get out of this bed and get to work. I would love to stay right here and keep chatting but I think pop pop would start his pushing again!
I will keep you near and dear to my heart today and I know you will help me through. By the way, thanks for that wonderful sunset after a rainy day! We live in a valley that I call the black hole, so we don't get to see the beautiful sunsets like at your home but it was still a wonderful way to end my day. Love you! Grams
I am going to work today for my second day. I had planned to go on Monday but I just couldn't get myself to go. I had a hard time even leaving my bedroom. Your mom and I started a little habit of not leaving her bedroom until the afternoon and it looks like it has carried over. It is a very safe place. I had no energy to go to work and didn't want to talk with anyone so I ended up staying home doing basically nothing but some laundry. Your pop pop went to the store for me because we had no food from being away for 2 weeks . I thought I could at least do that but I was wrong. Your pop pop has been my rock. Yesterday I woke up when my alarm went off and told pop pop that I didn't think I could go to work yet and he coached me out of bed and into the shower. I needed a little more more strength so I wrote to Rebecca, the amazing mom that came into our lives 2 weeks ago when we learned of your accident. Rebecca is a mom that had a baby boy the same way your mom had you. She has been able to tell us how she got through these very painful days. She actually talked about how helpful it was to journal. So I was telling Rebecca the difficulty I was having with going to work. I didn't hear back until after I got to work probably because she has a 1 month old baby now who I know keeps her really busy. Just like some day you are going to have a little brother or sister that keeps your mom and dad busy and will drive hem crazy!!I went to work and no one talked to me about you which was what I requested. You see, I miss you so much and it breaks my heart to think about how sad your mom and dad are so when people talk about you I get very upset. I know that some day I will be able to do so without shedding a tear . Well, maybe just a few. I was able to talk to some of the nurses I work with at the end of the day when I knew it was safe because I got to go home to pop pop.
I called your mom in the middle of my day and she was sad. She was at the store with your dad who needed to get a suit for your uncles wedding. Your mom kept seeing little girls and it made her miss you. I had her go outside and sit on a bench and talk with me and she got better. I miss not being there for her but each day I think she gets a little stronger . I asked if they had planted your rose bush but she said no, that they like having you in their bedroom right now. I get that!
I came home and my childhood friend Gail that lives next door was sitting in my kitchen talking with pop pop. I was just thinking as I pulled in that I think I am ready to talk with Gail and there she was with a big hug and a wonderful dinner. Gail is a really good cook and spoils me!
I was able to talk with Gail about you but while talking with her your aunt Kelsey called. She was crying as she really misses you and really misses your mom. She so wanted to meet you and so wants to be near your mom and talk with her but your mom isn't ready for that. We talked until your uncle Scott came home to hold her tight.
Well Hazel, it is time that I get out of this bed and get to work. I would love to stay right here and keep chatting but I think pop pop would start his pushing again!
I will keep you near and dear to my heart today and I know you will help me through. By the way, thanks for that wonderful sunset after a rainy day! We live in a valley that I call the black hole, so we don't get to see the beautiful sunsets like at your home but it was still a wonderful way to end my day. Love you! Grams
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